About 2004 . . .
My kids LOVE to play practical jokes on their Dad. It's an absolute obsession in this house.
Mom on the other hand has trained herself NOT to react. The only time I get a little creepy is when whatever it is, that’s still alive, has “escaped” and is running LOOSE in the house…because eventually it’s going to find it’s way either into my hair, or up my shirt!
Have I mentioned lately just how THICK my hair is? Or how hard it would be to extract a nesting insect from really thick, previously naturally curly hair? Especially if the insect has NO intentions of leaving?
I can, will, and have removed any offending clothing material, much to the chagrin of my husband. “Renee…go in the other room…Renee…the kids are here…Renee!!!…Sigh!”
I’m sorry maybe I overreact a tad bit, but before you pass judgment, just ask yourself this: If YOU had something creepy, crawling around inside of YOUR shirt - that’s at least as big as your hand – exactly how do you think you’d react?
Once, just before Aaron was born, we were living in our second apartment, and James was attempting to conduct family scripture study. I kept hearing “thunking” noises from the living room/kitchen area. They were getting louder and more frequent. I was just about to stop James and ask him to go check and see what that noise was when all of the sudden the BIGGEST, HUGEST, cockroach I had EVER seen in my life flew in through our open bedroom door.
I had previously been unaware of several facts:
a) That cockroaches could grow to be 6” long;
b) That cockroaches could “fly!”
c) That the person I had pledged to spend the rest of eternity with had a wicked sense of humor and would be completely incapable of assisting in such matters…to the point of being incapacitated… by laughter.
Apparently, the honeymoon was OVER!
Technically (in our house there’s ALWAYS a technically) cockroaches can’t “fly”, but I can’t recommend attempting to explain that fact to an overwrought, emotional, pregnant woman…at least not while she’s still overwrought and emotional…actually I’d recommend waiting until she’s no longer pregnant, too. That way she will THEN be capable of laughing about the whole event along WITH you!
What cockroaches actually DO is repetitively crawl - VERY quickly - UP any available surface (usually a wall), then become kamikaze cockroaches and DIVE BOMB the nearest available female head in the room…or (in my case at least) the only person still in the room desperately attempting to LEAVE the room!
The military should make a study of the guidance systems of 6" cockroaches!
I have never been much of a screamer in these sorts of incidents, but I believe I may have emitted a squawk… or two! But not much more than the time that the bat-sized moth flew into my hair and began to instantly attempt to pupate itself.
It is also my personal opinion that there is something categorically unkind in anyone who can find excessive humor in a VERY pregnant woman squeaking and squawking, while attempting to use her favorite set of scriptures as a sort of shield (literally, not allegorically) and endeavoring (in vain) to quickly exit a water bed, all the while being repeatedly dived bombed by a suicidal cockroach – but I must have forgiven him…we’ve been married for 23 years now.
Besides, our children are now extracting paybacks – BIG time!
Since my children get absolutely NO reaction from Mom, their ultimate target has become ~ their Father. Hey, what’s a little thing like a cricket or “Charlie” bug, when you’ve had a bat-sized moth or a 6” long cockroach in your hair!
Their beloved Dad only has one phobia in life - snakes!
He doesn't much like any type of "slimy" reptile, but snakes he seriously hates!
One time when we were picking up a potty chair at Toys R Us they had this big bin with all sorts of rubbery type animals…rubbery type - reptilian animals…HUGE life-like reptilian animals – and all of them were on sale.
I’ve never seen 3 little boys count up the combined change in their pockets faster in my life!
They brought home one of the most realistic looking iguana-type lizards I have ever seen. The name “komodo dragon” comes to mind.
This thing must have been at least two feet high and about four feet long. The fun those boys had on unsuspecting visitors to our house. Let me tell you…as far as they were concerned it could have been FULL price and it STILL would have been a HUGE bargain!
Even when you KNEW that thing wasn’t real it STILL could give you the heebie-jeebies, just looking at it. It even had this tongue thing that hung out to make it look like it was “tasting” the air. Yeah! Tasting, as in an attempt to find it’s latest prey.
I finally had to put my foot down when they started “loaning” it out to friends. Mother’s of your children’s previous friends can get pretty upset about that sort of thing.
But, the iguana reached legendary proportions and became worth his weight in gold the night Dad first became introduced to him!
The ironic part is that THIS time, the joke was completely unintentional on our boy’s part and came about because they had forgotten to take Mr. Iguana up to bed with them (yes, they slept with him!) He had been left forgotten at the bottom of the stairs. Besides, even MY boys couldn’t have planned anything as good as the reaction they got!
Dad worked the night shift and would usually get ready for work around 11 p.m. at night. Being a considerate type of guy (yeah, NOW he’s considerate), he would try to get ready without turning on too many lights or making too much noise ~ which is another of my life’s great ironies. Do you have any idea how much commotion a person who is trying to get ready silently - in the dark - is capable of making?
Anyway, I got involved in the whole incident (and was rewarded an immense amount of flying cockroach pay-backs), when I heard a pitiful moaning sound, and what I thought was my husband falling down the stairs. I rushed to see what had happened and discovered him sitting spread-eagle on the floor at the bottom of the stairs - practically eyeball to eyeball - with a life-like plastic iguana at his feet, staring back at him. He appeared to be frozen stiff, and hoping against hope that dinosaurs really CAN’T see you if you don’t move.
“What the H _ _ L is THAT !!??!!”
I had NEVER previously heard that word come from his mouth in the form of a curse before!
Apparently he had made it most of the way down the dimly lit stairwell – on foot – but had completed the bottom 4 steps by the seat of his pants, AFTER suddenly becoming aware of the existence of Mr. Iguana!
He later explained to me the only thing that went through his mind as he sat there on the floor with his children’s newest pet staring back at him was, “What on earth have they dragged home now!”
And while HE may not have been very amused at the time, I STILL can’t even think about the whole episode without bouncing AND snorting AND wheezing!
19 November 2008
Cell phones
Much to my chagrin, I have discovered that SOME of my children have a little innocent “teasing” streak in them. I can’t imagine WHERE they get it, but it can sure make life interesting when you’re never quite certain if you’re completely “safe”.
Unbeknownst to me, one of their little “pranks” involved my cell phone. They were constantly changing the message, which appears when you first turn it on, or changing my ring tone. Try explaining to your college profession that you do NOT even know who "Five Finger Death Punch" is! (However your classmates will think you're a REALLY cool mom after that mishap.)
Anyway, ignoring my children’s behavior as some form of discipline has never seemed to work, but I seriously had to make them stop changing my ring tones!
I didn’t mind the message part of the prank so much and actually enjoyed some of their little messages, but the whole phone-ringer-changing business just HAD to end!
I was getting a little more than desperately irritated at the last PT (Physical Therapy) session when SOMEBODY wouldn't answer their cell phone, which kept ringing, and ringing, and ringing. Hearing annoyingly repetitive musical notes, while being tortured by a piece of gym equipment, is NOT conducive to relaxation.
Finally, I’d had ENOUGH. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
"Will SOMEbody PUH-LEASE pick up their cell phone?" I demanded to the room at large.
The little elderly gentleman sitting next to me leaned over and practically whispered,
"Ummm, Maam… I think that's YOUR phone."
And of course, it WAS!
Unbeknownst to me, one of their little “pranks” involved my cell phone. They were constantly changing the message, which appears when you first turn it on, or changing my ring tone. Try explaining to your college profession that you do NOT even know who "Five Finger Death Punch" is! (However your classmates will think you're a REALLY cool mom after that mishap.)
Anyway, ignoring my children’s behavior as some form of discipline has never seemed to work, but I seriously had to make them stop changing my ring tones!
I didn’t mind the message part of the prank so much and actually enjoyed some of their little messages, but the whole phone-ringer-changing business just HAD to end!
I was getting a little more than desperately irritated at the last PT (Physical Therapy) session when SOMEBODY wouldn't answer their cell phone, which kept ringing, and ringing, and ringing. Hearing annoyingly repetitive musical notes, while being tortured by a piece of gym equipment, is NOT conducive to relaxation.
Finally, I’d had ENOUGH. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
"Will SOMEbody PUH-LEASE pick up their cell phone?" I demanded to the room at large.
The little elderly gentleman sitting next to me leaned over and practically whispered,
"Ummm, Maam… I think that's YOUR phone."
And of course, it WAS!
Magic 9's
Magic 9’s
Make a fist. Look at the knuckles and spaces where your fingers attach to your hand. The first knuckle is January; the space between the knuckles is February. The next knuckle is March. The next space is April. Keep going until you get to the last knuckle, which is July, then start back at the first knuckle with August. All knuckles have 31 days; all spaces (except Feb) have 30 days. If July and August didn't both have 31 days, then it wouldn't work and I'd NEVER be able to remember how many days are in each month! ; )
Another fun trick for multiplying by 9's:
Hold up all ten fingers. Say the equation is 9 x 3. Starting with your left hand, put down the third finger. You then have 2 fingers - a space - and then seven fingers. The answer is 27.
9 x 6 put down your right thumb or "6th" finger. You then have 5 fingers - a space - and four fingers. The answer is 54. After the 10's you're on your own.
YES! It's much faster to just memorize the times tables, but when one of my kids showed me this "magic 9's trick" I was truly fascinated. What can I say - Simple pleasures for simple minds.
One day my kids were arguing about whose math homework was the hardest. Our kindergartener Julia left us all speechless with, "You think YOUR homework is hard? I don't even HAVE 12 fingers!
Make a fist. Look at the knuckles and spaces where your fingers attach to your hand. The first knuckle is January; the space between the knuckles is February. The next knuckle is March. The next space is April. Keep going until you get to the last knuckle, which is July, then start back at the first knuckle with August. All knuckles have 31 days; all spaces (except Feb) have 30 days. If July and August didn't both have 31 days, then it wouldn't work and I'd NEVER be able to remember how many days are in each month! ; )
Another fun trick for multiplying by 9's:
Hold up all ten fingers. Say the equation is 9 x 3. Starting with your left hand, put down the third finger. You then have 2 fingers - a space - and then seven fingers. The answer is 27.
9 x 6 put down your right thumb or "6th" finger. You then have 5 fingers - a space - and four fingers. The answer is 54. After the 10's you're on your own.
YES! It's much faster to just memorize the times tables, but when one of my kids showed me this "magic 9's trick" I was truly fascinated. What can I say - Simple pleasures for simple minds.
One day my kids were arguing about whose math homework was the hardest. Our kindergartener Julia left us all speechless with, "You think YOUR homework is hard? I don't even HAVE 12 fingers!
Lip Gloss - around 2003
My oldest daughter’s latest present was a lip-gloss that has been driving me crazy. Every time she applied that goop – which is apparently necessary on an hourly basis - I could almost taste a memory that would boil up from the recesses of my mind and demand, “What IS that smell?”
My daughter has lip-glosses that have the power to invoke a whole plethora of childhood memories with one whiff.
- Like the time one of my four older brothers talked me into trying Vanilla extract.
- Or the time they told me that snuff was just shredded black licorice.
Those tubes may smell divine, but apparently lip-gloss manufacturers still haven’t figured out how to make their product taste as good as they smell. "What IS that smell?"
She wouldn’t tell me. She wanted me to guess. I had been guessing for days without any luck. It was almost like the times you can’t remember a word that you know you know, that’s just stuck there on the tip of your tongue, but you can’t yank that thing OUT! Chinese water torture comes to mind.
This wasn’t the usual berry-fruity concoction. This one smelled like a warm baking oven. Like a gooey-nutty ice cream topping. Like an old fashioned kitchen. Like something that I just could NOT put my finger on. "What IS that smell?"
I would be driving somewhere while she used the passenger side flip-down mirror as her own personal boudoir, and ask, “Mocha Almond Fudge?” “Nope” she replied.
“Almond Praline?” “Nope” she said with a twinkle.
“Toffee Crunch Bar?” “Praline Pecans?” She would just smile back.
One of us was enjoying this enormously.
The next Sunday morning, as we sat in the quiet of our church, that tantalizing aroma wafted over into my end of the pew. Unknown aromas are NOT conducive to serious religious meditation. "What IS that smell?"
After the sacrament, Jamee’s 12-year-old, sugar-holic brother Jared, came to sit with our family. When it comes to any known sweetener on earth, Jared has the nose of a bloodhound. If his olfactory glands could be re-trained for drugs or explosives, he could personally bring down the entire terrorist networks of the world.
Jared can, and attempts too, consume his weight in sugar on a daily basis – all the while continuing to remain stick skinny. It is just SO unfair - but let’s not go there – things could get ugly.
Jared sat. He took two quick wiffs of the air. He leaned over and with a puzzled frown on his face (we were in church for corn sake) he asked, “Why do I smell waffles?”
MAPLE SYRUP!
Officially the name is “Dream Café”. Like I would have EVER guessed THAT!
I should probably have apologized to the VERY confused mother of the small infant sitting behind us. I was NOT referring to her baby when I LOUDLY blurted out, in a VERY quiet church:
“THAT’s what that smell is!”
My daughter has lip-glosses that have the power to invoke a whole plethora of childhood memories with one whiff.
- Like the time one of my four older brothers talked me into trying Vanilla extract.
- Or the time they told me that snuff was just shredded black licorice.
Those tubes may smell divine, but apparently lip-gloss manufacturers still haven’t figured out how to make their product taste as good as they smell. "What IS that smell?"
She wouldn’t tell me. She wanted me to guess. I had been guessing for days without any luck. It was almost like the times you can’t remember a word that you know you know, that’s just stuck there on the tip of your tongue, but you can’t yank that thing OUT! Chinese water torture comes to mind.
This wasn’t the usual berry-fruity concoction. This one smelled like a warm baking oven. Like a gooey-nutty ice cream topping. Like an old fashioned kitchen. Like something that I just could NOT put my finger on. "What IS that smell?"
I would be driving somewhere while she used the passenger side flip-down mirror as her own personal boudoir, and ask, “Mocha Almond Fudge?” “Nope” she replied.
“Almond Praline?” “Nope” she said with a twinkle.
“Toffee Crunch Bar?” “Praline Pecans?” She would just smile back.
One of us was enjoying this enormously.
The next Sunday morning, as we sat in the quiet of our church, that tantalizing aroma wafted over into my end of the pew. Unknown aromas are NOT conducive to serious religious meditation. "What IS that smell?"
After the sacrament, Jamee’s 12-year-old, sugar-holic brother Jared, came to sit with our family. When it comes to any known sweetener on earth, Jared has the nose of a bloodhound. If his olfactory glands could be re-trained for drugs or explosives, he could personally bring down the entire terrorist networks of the world.
Jared can, and attempts too, consume his weight in sugar on a daily basis – all the while continuing to remain stick skinny. It is just SO unfair - but let’s not go there – things could get ugly.
Jared sat. He took two quick wiffs of the air. He leaned over and with a puzzled frown on his face (we were in church for corn sake) he asked, “Why do I smell waffles?”
MAPLE SYRUP!
Officially the name is “Dream Café”. Like I would have EVER guessed THAT!
I should probably have apologized to the VERY confused mother of the small infant sitting behind us. I was NOT referring to her baby when I LOUDLY blurted out, in a VERY quiet church:
“THAT’s what that smell is!”
Mantra Chants
This list is a collection of "phrases" I find myself constantly repeating, sometimes on a daily (hourly) basis. The list keeps getting longer, and longer, and . . . There ARE more; I just can't remember all of them at one time.
I’m keeping track of them for my posterity’s sake - just on the off chance that my own children forget how MANY times they’ve heard them muttered.
They are usually accompanied by slow, deep breathing techniques; therefore at their first printing I dubbed them my “Mantra Chants”. Then I somehow came across a new word that I didn’t know - - Rumination. Upon further investigation, Rumination seemed SO much more appropriate – especially the second definition – so henceforth and forever (or until I change my mind again) they will now be called – Renee’s Ruminations!
Main Entry: ru·mi·na·tion
Pronunciation: "rü-m&-'nA-sh&n
Function: noun
The act or process of ruminating:
a: obsessive or abnormal reflection upon an idea or deliberation over a choice.
b: the act or process of regurgitating and chewing again previously swallowed food (or words!)
1. NEVER say Never!
2. It may be cute when they’re two, but it’s NOT funny anymore when they’re 6!
3. Everything works - - for about two weeks.
4. I’m the boss here . . . I’m the boss here . . . I’m the boss here . . .
5. At least they aren’t out on the streets somewhere causing trouble!
6. Where did all those years go?
7. Let sleeping babies LIE!
8. Everything - EVERYTHING – is Mom’s fault!
9. But it was on sale!
10. I’d write a book, but who would believe me!
11. Take them in and let the Doctor decide if it’s really “nothing.”
12. Trust – but verify.
13. If you lose it, just buy another one. Then, and ONLY then, will you find the first one.
14. We’re making memories, Dad.
15. Have I taught them enough?
16. It can ALWAYS be worse!
17. I haven’t permanently maimed any of my kids, yet - unless of course you want to be picky and start including psychological issues.
18. The best defense is a good offense
19. Every time you open your mouth, you’re just handing somebody ammunition.
20. Never let them see you sweat.
21. We abhor in others what we detest most in ourselves.
22. It’s not “fun” anymore if someone is crying.
23. Simple pleasures for simple minds.
24. Heavenly Father never said it would be easy… He only said it would be worth it!
25. “Why?” is a mother’s road to insanity. Instead ask, “How?”
“HOW on EARTH did you DO this?”
26. You don’t hide your actions, unless you know they are wrong.
27. “The essence of humor is brevity.” - - William Shakespeare
28. Any communication – given with the intent to deceive - is still a lie!
29. Is that REALLY worth your eternal salvation?
30. Fool me once, shame on you – Fool me twice, shame on me!
31. I may never like it, but I can learn to live with it.
32. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all - - Thumper’s Dad.
33. Before you start blaming everybody else, ask yourself this:
“What could I have done to make this situation different?”
34. NO more animals - - when these ones go, that's IT!
35. I can't do or be everything for everybody, and MY family HAS to come first.
36. Sticks and Stones may break my bones ~ but words can break my heart.
37. Nobody can "do it all." Something somewhere falls apart, and it usually starts with your family.
38. I can’t fit everything I want to do into one season of my life, but isn’t that what eternity’s for?
39. Why does learning from trial and error always mean that I make errors, followed by trials?
40. They may have all been unplanned, but they were NEVER unwanted!
41. Don’t ask your kids a question if you aren’t prepared to hear their answer.
42. There are 4 cars parked in front of our house – 3 of which aren’t working –
and you want to do WHAT to the only one that still runs?
43. If I miss a meeting then there will have been something at that meeting that could have changed my life.
44. When we pray for answers we need to put ourselves into places where those questions can be answered.
45. TMI…TMI…TMI…
(YES – there really can be Too Much Information! - - Especially when dealing with Boy Scout campouts!)
46. “Throw – Don’t Go!” (I can’t save someone else if I’m drowning myself)
47. I can do hard things.
48. I may not be done – but I’m finished. (Steve Puklin – ENG101)
49. What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger? (Who says so?)
50. Two feet at a time…just two feet at a time.
51. It Mattereth Not. Alma 61:9
52. What caused the Grand Canyon??? WATER!!!
To be continued . . .
I’m keeping track of them for my posterity’s sake - just on the off chance that my own children forget how MANY times they’ve heard them muttered.
They are usually accompanied by slow, deep breathing techniques; therefore at their first printing I dubbed them my “Mantra Chants”. Then I somehow came across a new word that I didn’t know - - Rumination. Upon further investigation, Rumination seemed SO much more appropriate – especially the second definition – so henceforth and forever (or until I change my mind again) they will now be called – Renee’s Ruminations!
Main Entry: ru·mi·na·tion
Pronunciation: "rü-m&-'nA-sh&n
Function: noun
The act or process of ruminating:
a: obsessive or abnormal reflection upon an idea or deliberation over a choice.
b: the act or process of regurgitating and chewing again previously swallowed food (or words!)
1. NEVER say Never!
2. It may be cute when they’re two, but it’s NOT funny anymore when they’re 6!
3. Everything works - - for about two weeks.
4. I’m the boss here . . . I’m the boss here . . . I’m the boss here . . .
5. At least they aren’t out on the streets somewhere causing trouble!
6. Where did all those years go?
7. Let sleeping babies LIE!
8. Everything - EVERYTHING – is Mom’s fault!
9. But it was on sale!
10. I’d write a book, but who would believe me!
11. Take them in and let the Doctor decide if it’s really “nothing.”
12. Trust – but verify.
13. If you lose it, just buy another one. Then, and ONLY then, will you find the first one.
14. We’re making memories, Dad.
15. Have I taught them enough?
16. It can ALWAYS be worse!
17. I haven’t permanently maimed any of my kids, yet - unless of course you want to be picky and start including psychological issues.
18. The best defense is a good offense
19. Every time you open your mouth, you’re just handing somebody ammunition.
20. Never let them see you sweat.
21. We abhor in others what we detest most in ourselves.
22. It’s not “fun” anymore if someone is crying.
23. Simple pleasures for simple minds.
24. Heavenly Father never said it would be easy… He only said it would be worth it!
25. “Why?” is a mother’s road to insanity. Instead ask, “How?”
“HOW on EARTH did you DO this?”
26. You don’t hide your actions, unless you know they are wrong.
27. “The essence of humor is brevity.” - - William Shakespeare
28. Any communication – given with the intent to deceive - is still a lie!
29. Is that REALLY worth your eternal salvation?
30. Fool me once, shame on you – Fool me twice, shame on me!
31. I may never like it, but I can learn to live with it.
32. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all - - Thumper’s Dad.
33. Before you start blaming everybody else, ask yourself this:
“What could I have done to make this situation different?”
34. NO more animals - - when these ones go, that's IT!
35. I can't do or be everything for everybody, and MY family HAS to come first.
36. Sticks and Stones may break my bones ~ but words can break my heart.
37. Nobody can "do it all." Something somewhere falls apart, and it usually starts with your family.
38. I can’t fit everything I want to do into one season of my life, but isn’t that what eternity’s for?
39. Why does learning from trial and error always mean that I make errors, followed by trials?
40. They may have all been unplanned, but they were NEVER unwanted!
41. Don’t ask your kids a question if you aren’t prepared to hear their answer.
42. There are 4 cars parked in front of our house – 3 of which aren’t working –
and you want to do WHAT to the only one that still runs?
43. If I miss a meeting then there will have been something at that meeting that could have changed my life.
44. When we pray for answers we need to put ourselves into places where those questions can be answered.
45. TMI…TMI…TMI…
(YES – there really can be Too Much Information! - - Especially when dealing with Boy Scout campouts!)
46. “Throw – Don’t Go!” (I can’t save someone else if I’m drowning myself)
47. I can do hard things.
48. I may not be done – but I’m finished. (Steve Puklin – ENG101)
49. What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger? (Who says so?)
50. Two feet at a time…just two feet at a time.
51. It Mattereth Not. Alma 61:9
52. What caused the Grand Canyon??? WATER!!!
To be continued . . .
19 Nov 2008
19 Nov 2008
We are NOT all morning people in this household! My husband gets up at 4 a.m. – regardless of whether or not the alarm has gone off. I don’t mind being married to a morning person so much, it’s just that he’s so darn CHIPPER at that time that offends! He’s so happy and cheerful and full of energy – and he wants to share that with the rest of our household. Our children have repeatedly begged me, “Mooooom, make him stop!” as they pull their pillows over their heads.
This morning he was up, out of bed, and in the shower, when the alarm went off.
The alarm is on his side of the bed.
As I lunged my sleep deprived body over the speed bump in the middle of our mattress, (hoping it was the bump, and not a kid) my fingertips pressed the first button they touched – which unfortunately was the snooze button. The off button would have been the first one to the left. So now I’m lying sideways on our bed with my rib cage bent over the bump, trying to remember how long a snooze is – 7 or 9 minutes, because now I have to stay awake that long to push the off button. It doesn’t really matter either way – I’m not going back to sleep now anyway.
The brain is an interesting organ. At least mine is. I was 40 years old before it finally dawned on me that I have ADD. I used to have ADHD, but that was pre-hysterectomy. Now it’s more like a whirling dervish that wears itself out, and then gets revved up again, then wears itself out… Over and over… all day long…
My brain is like that, too, only it never seems to wear down. Think of a ping pong ball bouncing around inside your head and every time it hits something that’s another train of thought you board. I tend to talk that way, too - hand gestures included. One of my brothers used to say, “If you tied her hands behind her back, you’d render her instantly mute!” I have four older brothers and they would know because they tried that sort of thing a time or two. My younger sister still swears that the next oldest brother “babysat” her one time by locking her in a closet. Ah, those were the good old days!
One time I was having lunch with my daughter and a good friend I hadn’t seen in a while. I was on about the fourth subject change in a matter of minutes before the two of them looked at each other with that blank stare I know SO well, and burst out laughing. The friend summed it up this way, “Wait! Wait! It’s been a long time. I have to get my brain back to Renee-ese!” It’s kind of like a giant tree with lots and lots of branches. I start out at the base of the tree and then just seem to go all over the place, only I seem to hop from branch to branch and don’t always take my listeners with me. I have to admit though; even I get confused sometimes and have to follow the branch back to the base of the tree.
Oh well, those who know me, love me.
We are NOT all morning people in this household! My husband gets up at 4 a.m. – regardless of whether or not the alarm has gone off. I don’t mind being married to a morning person so much, it’s just that he’s so darn CHIPPER at that time that offends! He’s so happy and cheerful and full of energy – and he wants to share that with the rest of our household. Our children have repeatedly begged me, “Mooooom, make him stop!” as they pull their pillows over their heads.
This morning he was up, out of bed, and in the shower, when the alarm went off.
The alarm is on his side of the bed.
As I lunged my sleep deprived body over the speed bump in the middle of our mattress, (hoping it was the bump, and not a kid) my fingertips pressed the first button they touched – which unfortunately was the snooze button. The off button would have been the first one to the left. So now I’m lying sideways on our bed with my rib cage bent over the bump, trying to remember how long a snooze is – 7 or 9 minutes, because now I have to stay awake that long to push the off button. It doesn’t really matter either way – I’m not going back to sleep now anyway.
The brain is an interesting organ. At least mine is. I was 40 years old before it finally dawned on me that I have ADD. I used to have ADHD, but that was pre-hysterectomy. Now it’s more like a whirling dervish that wears itself out, and then gets revved up again, then wears itself out… Over and over… all day long…
My brain is like that, too, only it never seems to wear down. Think of a ping pong ball bouncing around inside your head and every time it hits something that’s another train of thought you board. I tend to talk that way, too - hand gestures included. One of my brothers used to say, “If you tied her hands behind her back, you’d render her instantly mute!” I have four older brothers and they would know because they tried that sort of thing a time or two. My younger sister still swears that the next oldest brother “babysat” her one time by locking her in a closet. Ah, those were the good old days!
One time I was having lunch with my daughter and a good friend I hadn’t seen in a while. I was on about the fourth subject change in a matter of minutes before the two of them looked at each other with that blank stare I know SO well, and burst out laughing. The friend summed it up this way, “Wait! Wait! It’s been a long time. I have to get my brain back to Renee-ese!” It’s kind of like a giant tree with lots and lots of branches. I start out at the base of the tree and then just seem to go all over the place, only I seem to hop from branch to branch and don’t always take my listeners with me. I have to admit though; even I get confused sometimes and have to follow the branch back to the base of the tree.
Oh well, those who know me, love me.
1st Post
19 Nov 2008
Okay, so it’s official. I am now literally a blogger!
I’ve been calling my journal entries “blogs” for years, and sharing some of them with family and close personal friends, but I have older teenagers (who seem to think they OWN the internet and all things techno) who informed me that those were NOT blogs because a blog has to be on a public forum for the whole world to see. Actually that’s my longer version of the event – I believe what they really said was, “What-EVER, you are SO not blogging.”
I still haven’t wrapped my brain around the concept of actually wanting the whole world to see how totally, thoroughly I can screw things up, but hey! Who knows! One of my entries might actually prevent some other family from having to seek emergency medical treatment! (That should be plural, as in treatments, because with 6 kids – four of which are boys - we seemed to have lived at the Urgent Care Center.)
As I typed that last sentence why did my mother’s voice float through my ears saying, “Do as I say, not as I do!”
I also seem to have a knack for turning the minutest events into 3 and 4 page entries, so be warned. My English teacher, Steve Puklin gave me some great advice after my daughter told him that I’d done five versions of my rough draft. Just say to yourself, “I may not be done, but I’m finished.”
Sooo… without further ado… Welcome to my World!
Okay, so it’s official. I am now literally a blogger!
I’ve been calling my journal entries “blogs” for years, and sharing some of them with family and close personal friends, but I have older teenagers (who seem to think they OWN the internet and all things techno) who informed me that those were NOT blogs because a blog has to be on a public forum for the whole world to see. Actually that’s my longer version of the event – I believe what they really said was, “What-EVER, you are SO not blogging.”
I still haven’t wrapped my brain around the concept of actually wanting the whole world to see how totally, thoroughly I can screw things up, but hey! Who knows! One of my entries might actually prevent some other family from having to seek emergency medical treatment! (That should be plural, as in treatments, because with 6 kids – four of which are boys - we seemed to have lived at the Urgent Care Center.)
As I typed that last sentence why did my mother’s voice float through my ears saying, “Do as I say, not as I do!”
I also seem to have a knack for turning the minutest events into 3 and 4 page entries, so be warned. My English teacher, Steve Puklin gave me some great advice after my daughter told him that I’d done five versions of my rough draft. Just say to yourself, “I may not be done, but I’m finished.”
Sooo… without further ado… Welcome to my World!
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