Beverly Hillbillies

Another older blog from 25 Oct 2004



I am determined that my blogging won’t turn into another of my usual ADD pursuits.

I jump in with both feet, totally overwhelm not only myself, but also those around me, and then eventually lose interest and fizzle out.

I mean how many people do you know that decide to keep a blog, end up writing a book, and then stop almost completely – all within the space of a couple months?

That’d be me, all over!

And I lead SUCH an exciting life! It really MUST be chronicled to achieve the maximum benefits! After so many catastrophes the mind becomes sort of numb to the details, and I want to remember them in all their colorful glory! I’m going to be a BIG hit at the assisted living facility I end up in.

Today was the every-other-Monday that Jamee goes over to the neighbor’s house at 5 a.m. when the husband leaves for work and stays until 7:30 a.m. when their mom comes home from her job. Then she comes home and takes a NAP!

James spent most of the day working on the van. It wasn’t the shifting modulator, or the shift float, so that pretty much means it’s the transmission. Oh, well. He tried SO hard!

He then removed the evaporative cooler and sealed that all up for the winter, then went and got Jared from school, which he wasn’t supposed to do because Jared had 9th hour, but they talked me out of his punishment saying that technically he had 9th hour last Thursday, but had to serve it on Monday because Thurs/Fri were parent teacher conference days. NOT one of MY personally favorite things to do on a Thursday afternoon, but Hey! You have to put things into perspective here. It’s better than going to the dentist!

I had the distinct pleasure of spending my day caring for a teething 4-month-old. Boy, all of a sudden, can that baby puke! Which experience led Jamee’s visiting teacher who “just popped in” (baring goodies!) to share with us the experience her husband had of slipping in one of their children’s throw up, causing him to fall, which resulted in his breaking a finger. If I were he, I’d have seriously considered telling people it was a work related injury. Nobody else needed to know it was “home work” and not down at the factory, and let me tell you, cleaning up after a sick child can definitely be classified as WORK!

Jacob came home from school today with his still. Yes, that’s right. My son is now producing alcohol in his own back yard. Or at least he will be – if everything goes according to plans. Right now he’s still at the “experimental heating coil” stage. He wants to make sure he can control the temperature or what he referred to as the “boiling point.” I REALLY don’t want to know any more about this particular “keeping them off the streets” endeavor!

When Katie called to ask if I wanted to go to Trader Joe’s with her around 5 p.m. (which I REALLY needed to do tonight for SOME odd reason) I decided I’d better stick around here.

I haven’t a clue why, but for some rationale, to me it just feels better if I’m the one making the
9-1-1 calls, rather than having the paramedics answer my phone, or worse - pulling up to the front of my home and finding the police, fire, and EMT’s in my living room.

Besides, in an effort to conserve our dwindling assets I got rid of my cell phone – which my husband considers an absolute necessity for me. When I was running four kids back and forth to school everyday it WAS, but I mean with only one working car right now, I figure I’m always home anyway!

I thought I’d be safe by telling Jake if his shop teacher agreed, then he could build a still (it must be REALLY genetic – those Southern roots run DEEP!). This time Mr. Willams really let me down and not only approved the plans as a “plumbing project,” but wants a sample of the first batch! Boy, is HE on my list.

The plan is for Jake to “supplement” our meager gas budget with home brewed Ethanol, and with their usual Ferguson Family Flair they have thoroughly researched their project, and Jake has paid for every penny of his supplies.

The police detective in our ward said it isn’t legal for a minor to be in the possession of alcohol (even the non-drinkable, lethal sort), but it will be legal as long as an adult is present. As IF I would have EVEN considered the possibility otherwise! Sorry, but he also can’t sell any of it. THAT would be breaking ALL sorts of laws.

I believe Jake has some sort of “bartering” program in mind, but I REALLY don’t want to know any more about THAT part of the plan, either! I know you can’t use ignorance as a defense, but do you suppose you could get some time sliced off for being the mother of this clan for the past 23 years? An Insanity defense should come into play there SOMEWHERE!

Bro. Smith whose family owns a donut factory is donating the first batch of “product” for the “mash”. Jake also talked to the potato growers out on Ritten House and Power and they’ve told him he could come and pick up all the ones that fall off the trucks. But I think they also had some sort of bartering program in mind. Has everybody in this world gone stark raving mad?

The mechanic in our ward said the Ethanol/Alcohol would work, but didn’t recommend adding it in its 100% pure state. My guys were advised to mix it about 25% alcohol to about 75% regular gas. My new mantra #42 - “There are 4 cars parked in front of our house – only one of which is currently working, and you want to do WHAT to the only one that still runs?

I guess I shouldn’t be TOO worried. IF it works, all of “the experts” want some for their cars.

I’m still not sure about the whole procedure, but how many people can you say you know who are running their vehicles on “home brew?”

And you know what absolutely terrifies me the MOST? The only real concern I have running through my head is that Josh is going to be SO disappointed when he finds out that they didn’t wait for him and that he can’t be involved in this special treat!

Where, Oh Where, over the past few years did I lose total control of my life?

I feel something akin to the emotions of a person on a white water rapids expedition.

I figure at the end of this wild ride I’m calling my life; there’ll either be a nice calm pond –
or some sort of Niagara Falls!

And I don’t think either one of us needs to guess just which one it’s gonna be!