Babysitters (written sometime around 1994)

With the exception of three young women, I’ve had a HARD time with babysitters.

Even if we do have six children; our surname is Ferguson; and we’ve become pretty well known amongst family and friends as the harbingers of certain disaster - I still can’t imagine why! Apparently, what the youth of today needs is a little more of an adventurous spirit.

The Connolly's, the Rowley's, and the Crandall sister’s will forever hold a special place in my heart and NOT just because they usually were available and were around 6 feet tall. According to my kids they were “FUN!”

I thought I’d hit upon a great invention when I started to “trade” other mothers, for babysitting time. That is until I discovered that while I may have a lot of children in shear numbers – and they are a little “busy” at times – they are basically good children. I quickly discovered that is NOT the case with all children.

I also discovered that some people think their time is WAY more valuable then yours. If I had cared for somebody’s children for 2 hours, I would NEVER have even considered paying them back by leaving them with mine for EIGHT hours on a Saturday.

Then there was the mom who specifically wanted me to watch her child because we were both nursing mothers. She graciously offered to “return the favor” by feeding my baby when she got back. I’m sorry – in an absolute, death-will-result, emergency I could see myself in this arrangement – but only if there was absolutely NO other way available! They may not like it, but nursing babies will drink formula – eventually. Arranging errands to correspond with feeding schedules is just WAY more personal than I wish to be with another person’s child.

Then there’s the “attitude” issue to be resolved. When I was growing up, speaking impolitely to my parents was considered “sassing” and usually resulted in a quick trip to the bathroom and a personal acquaintance with a bar of soap.

My own mother perfected, “THE STARE”. With one raised eyebrow, from across a very crowded room, my mother (who had four VERY mischievous little boys of her own) is capable of curling the most cirrhosis-ed of livers.

One day while waiting in the Pediatrician’s office I gave a little tyke my own version of “THE STARE.” I figured it was worth a shot seeing as his mother was completely ignoring his terrible behavior! It had always worked wonders with my own offspring. Not only did this child continue kicking the chair he was sitting on while strewing magazines in every direction, but he gave me back the stare and stuck his tongue out along with it!

But I digress…Back to the issue of Babysitters. Even though he wasn’t quite 13 at the time (don’t tell CPS – they already have issues with my ideas of child rearing – and have been out to my house – more than once), I finally caved and decided to let Aaron become my babysitter for several reasons:

1) Eleven and Twelve-year-old boys - who are already 6 feet tall - hate, loathe, and detest being babysat by girls one year older, and a full foot shorter, than they are.

2) Aaron and Josh are about as opposite as it is possible to be. “The Odd Couple” is a good frame of reference. Aaron is controlled, calm, responsible, mature, . . . and Josh is, . . . well, Josh. Whenever I want to have a GOOD laugh I just sit down and think about the fact that SOME day Josh will be somebody’s DAD! (Do you think we should warn her or just keep our mouths shut!)

3) Aaron was my baby-lover and on the nights that we managed to finally talk (bribe) somebody into coming over, Aaron spent the entire night caring for his siblings anyway – while the sitter’s usually spent the night on the phone with their boyfriends, eating a weeks worth of “goodies”, or watching what I considered to be VERY inappropriate T.V. shows.
(Something to think about for any teen sitters reading this: The children you are being paid to supposedly watch WILL repeat everything that happened while their mom and dad were gone – in VERY minute detail – when their parents eventually return home.)

4) Babysitter’s started charging per child, as opposed to per family. I used to be delirious when I got $10 for an entire day of babysitting from 8 a.m. to about 11 p.m. Our last trip to the movies, we paid more to the sitter than we did for our movie tickets - and we were only gone three hours and the kids were asleep before we left! When you have to choose between dining out OR going to the movies - because you can’t afford to do both and still pay the sitter - it’s time to start looking at different options.

This whole “Aaron-babysitting-plan” worked great until OTHER mother’s of boys discovered MY gold mine. Then I had to learn to share Aaron’s childcare talents. I didn’t think it was fair to monopolize him or pass up all those future mission dollars he was getting, but when I saw what he was bringing home, I came to the conclusion that - Heck for $20 a night, I’ll leave Aaron home and I’d go and play video games with somebody else’s kids. Boy – was I ever tempted!

All I had to do when Aaron babysat was leave something for them to eat, and get the others all ready for bed. Aaron would have loved to do the dinner part, too, but I was pretty sure I was perilously close to breaking several obscure child labor laws already.

Aaron would entertain his siblings by outscoring his previous all-time best scores on every E-rated video game known to mankind. They were utterly mesmerized. Not only could Aaron get through EVERY level, he would also give everybody their own turn and show them where all the “cheats” were. As far the children were concerned Aaron had nearly attained super-human status.

Anyway, I think Aaron did a GREAT job his first time going solo - Even though two of his siblings did catch the back yard on fire.

Aaron handled the whole situation with calm and intelligence - simply putting out the fire with our garden hose before it reached the fence line - but only just barely.

Considering the fact that at the time we lived in a neighborhood with row after row of 25-year-old, rotten, sun-bleached, dry-as-a-desert, wooden fences – the entire neighborhood was VERY fortunate.

The thought of having a member of my family appear on the 6 p.m. evening news (not that THAT hasn’t ever happened before), as the culprits who “destroyed an entire east valley neighborhood” is NOT the 15 minutes of fame I wish for in this life – besides CPS already knows me by name.

My favorite part of the whole memory will always be little Jacob’s comment when they showed me the damages.

Jake was absolutely positive it hadn’t been HIS match that had started the grass fire.

“I blew my matches out before I threw them down!”