Jammie Bottoms (September 2001)

Girls here are wearing pajama bottoms everywhere, like regular pants. These "jammies" are flannel and huge. They usually take their older brothers. The bigger, the better.

My husband, James, was distressed to notice this one morning when he was home, as his teenage daughter was leaving for school.

"Oh, Jamee!" He laughed. "You can’t leave! You’re still wearing your pajamas! You forgot to put on your pants!” (He was speaking from a personally embarrassing previous experience)

Rolling her eyes and laughing, "Oh, Daddy!" she rushed out the door.

Her ride was in the driveway honking - Another NO-NO. Regarding the actions of people picking up your children: "They should come inside so we can meet them," her father firmly believes. My attempt to comfort him with, “Sweetheart - its 6:30 in the morning” was met with a sigh.

James then turns to me with that bewildered, lost puppy-dog look that says, "Am I missing something here?" HIS daughter has just rushed out the door to answer a honking car horn in her pajamas!

"Um, why did our daughter just leave the house wearing her pajamas?"

I shrug. "It's the newest fad. They wear them everywhere. School, softball practice, the store..." (This one is in its 2nd year!)

"And, you ALLOW our daughter to wear her pajamas outside the house?"

Notice the repeated emphasis on “outside the house.” He’s not even comfortable with pajamas being seen INside the house.

He's also treading on thin ice with this "YOU allow," and "OUR daughter," business and has just realized it.

Unfortunately the words have already left his mouth so he switches to his politest voice.

He's still deeply concerned, but is treading in previously unchartered deep-dark-troubled waters. Lately, he isn't sure if my hormones will feel self-righteous indignation and ignite; offended and burst into tears; or if I'll just think he's cute and smile.

Sometimes I take pity and find him simply adorable. Sort of like having a living, breathing, pet dinosaur. He still thinks letters should be written with an actual piece of paper using ink, (E-mails don’t count) and daughters should wear their underclothing... well, under their clothing.

The first time he saw my slip showing I thought he was going to have an apoplexy. He kept "shielding" me with his briefcase. "WHAT are you doing?" I inquired.

In a loud whisper (now you know where our kids get it from!), frantically looking around, beet red in the face, he informs me that my “SLIP IS SHOWING.” He was SO shocked and absolutely horrified.

I looked down around my pregnant, swollen belly and saw (it was on the left side so I actually could see) about a quarter of an inch of the lace edging. I laughed so hard I thought I'd go into premature labor.

The day he finally figured out I had quit wearing slips and hose all together, he was absolutely scandalized. It didn't matter that it had been years since I had worn them and he’d never noticed. He still doesn’t quite approve. He's just lucky I can't go braless or those would have gone by the wayside first. I should pretend to “leave the house” that way, just once. He's so easy to tease. His eye blinking, speechless stutters are priceless.

I just have to keep reminding myself his family is from the South…The Deep South.

Most sentences begin with, “Hain’t nuthin’ thought of” . . . in the Deep South.

Female children are referred to as Young Ladies or Daughters in the Deep South.

“Kids” are the progeny of the goats out in the back yard in the Deep South.

Female relatives must be accompanied by male relatives - at all times - when “outside the house” in the Deep South.

"Hain't nuthin' thought of a gal'd leave the house wearin' her jama's" (in the Deep South.)
His accent always comes out strongly when he's distressed, so I pat his cheek and give him a little kiss.

"Sweetheart, you've taken her to school before. She's dressed more modestly than 90% of the girls IN her school." (The sweetheart was to let him know he's hormonally safe.)

He sadly nods his head . . . however, the Deep South will never die.
"But, her pajamas?" He asked with real pain in his voice.

My reply for everything (courtesy of my Mom) - "It could be worse."

I have found it also helps to give him a worst case scenario…gives him some perspective.

"Just remember Dad, teddies are jammies, too." He shudders.

“That’s not funny, Renee. That’s just NOT funny.”