Simple Pleasures, for Simple Minds

I found the world's bestest pens today - in a back-to-school pack - AND they were on SALE for $4.95!!! $4.95 I'm telling ya!!!



Um, WHY did I just hear my mother's voice saying, "Simple pleasures for Simple minds"....???



I was SO excited I almost did a happy dance right there in the Costco aisle. Jamee was with me so I controlled myself and just grabbed her arm and shook a little bit...Is there such a thing as shaken-adult-child-syndrome?



THEN my crockpot recently got broken and they had one that was $30 that came with a "little dipper." The new model came in so they marked the old ones down to $24.95, but only the display was left. I asked if they'd sell the display and he said, "Sorry, but I can only mark it down about $5." $19.95 I'm telling ya, $19.95!!!



Don't worry though - Another happy dance attack was averted!!! It's been a HAPPY day for me!!!

Beverly Hillbillies

Another older blog from 25 Oct 2004



I am determined that my blogging won’t turn into another of my usual ADD pursuits.

I jump in with both feet, totally overwhelm not only myself, but also those around me, and then eventually lose interest and fizzle out.

I mean how many people do you know that decide to keep a blog, end up writing a book, and then stop almost completely – all within the space of a couple months?

That’d be me, all over!

And I lead SUCH an exciting life! It really MUST be chronicled to achieve the maximum benefits! After so many catastrophes the mind becomes sort of numb to the details, and I want to remember them in all their colorful glory! I’m going to be a BIG hit at the assisted living facility I end up in.

Today was the every-other-Monday that Jamee goes over to the neighbor’s house at 5 a.m. when the husband leaves for work and stays until 7:30 a.m. when their mom comes home from her job. Then she comes home and takes a NAP!

James spent most of the day working on the van. It wasn’t the shifting modulator, or the shift float, so that pretty much means it’s the transmission. Oh, well. He tried SO hard!

He then removed the evaporative cooler and sealed that all up for the winter, then went and got Jared from school, which he wasn’t supposed to do because Jared had 9th hour, but they talked me out of his punishment saying that technically he had 9th hour last Thursday, but had to serve it on Monday because Thurs/Fri were parent teacher conference days. NOT one of MY personally favorite things to do on a Thursday afternoon, but Hey! You have to put things into perspective here. It’s better than going to the dentist!

I had the distinct pleasure of spending my day caring for a teething 4-month-old. Boy, all of a sudden, can that baby puke! Which experience led Jamee’s visiting teacher who “just popped in” (baring goodies!) to share with us the experience her husband had of slipping in one of their children’s throw up, causing him to fall, which resulted in his breaking a finger. If I were he, I’d have seriously considered telling people it was a work related injury. Nobody else needed to know it was “home work” and not down at the factory, and let me tell you, cleaning up after a sick child can definitely be classified as WORK!

Jacob came home from school today with his still. Yes, that’s right. My son is now producing alcohol in his own back yard. Or at least he will be – if everything goes according to plans. Right now he’s still at the “experimental heating coil” stage. He wants to make sure he can control the temperature or what he referred to as the “boiling point.” I REALLY don’t want to know any more about this particular “keeping them off the streets” endeavor!

When Katie called to ask if I wanted to go to Trader Joe’s with her around 5 p.m. (which I REALLY needed to do tonight for SOME odd reason) I decided I’d better stick around here.

I haven’t a clue why, but for some rationale, to me it just feels better if I’m the one making the
9-1-1 calls, rather than having the paramedics answer my phone, or worse - pulling up to the front of my home and finding the police, fire, and EMT’s in my living room.

Besides, in an effort to conserve our dwindling assets I got rid of my cell phone – which my husband considers an absolute necessity for me. When I was running four kids back and forth to school everyday it WAS, but I mean with only one working car right now, I figure I’m always home anyway!

I thought I’d be safe by telling Jake if his shop teacher agreed, then he could build a still (it must be REALLY genetic – those Southern roots run DEEP!). This time Mr. Willams really let me down and not only approved the plans as a “plumbing project,” but wants a sample of the first batch! Boy, is HE on my list.

The plan is for Jake to “supplement” our meager gas budget with home brewed Ethanol, and with their usual Ferguson Family Flair they have thoroughly researched their project, and Jake has paid for every penny of his supplies.

The police detective in our ward said it isn’t legal for a minor to be in the possession of alcohol (even the non-drinkable, lethal sort), but it will be legal as long as an adult is present. As IF I would have EVEN considered the possibility otherwise! Sorry, but he also can’t sell any of it. THAT would be breaking ALL sorts of laws.

I believe Jake has some sort of “bartering” program in mind, but I REALLY don’t want to know any more about THAT part of the plan, either! I know you can’t use ignorance as a defense, but do you suppose you could get some time sliced off for being the mother of this clan for the past 23 years? An Insanity defense should come into play there SOMEWHERE!

Bro. Smith whose family owns a donut factory is donating the first batch of “product” for the “mash”. Jake also talked to the potato growers out on Ritten House and Power and they’ve told him he could come and pick up all the ones that fall off the trucks. But I think they also had some sort of bartering program in mind. Has everybody in this world gone stark raving mad?

The mechanic in our ward said the Ethanol/Alcohol would work, but didn’t recommend adding it in its 100% pure state. My guys were advised to mix it about 25% alcohol to about 75% regular gas. My new mantra #42 - “There are 4 cars parked in front of our house – only one of which is currently working, and you want to do WHAT to the only one that still runs?

I guess I shouldn’t be TOO worried. IF it works, all of “the experts” want some for their cars.

I’m still not sure about the whole procedure, but how many people can you say you know who are running their vehicles on “home brew?”

And you know what absolutely terrifies me the MOST? The only real concern I have running through my head is that Josh is going to be SO disappointed when he finds out that they didn’t wait for him and that he can’t be involved in this special treat!

Where, Oh Where, over the past few years did I lose total control of my life?

I feel something akin to the emotions of a person on a white water rapids expedition.

I figure at the end of this wild ride I’m calling my life; there’ll either be a nice calm pond –
or some sort of Niagara Falls!

And I don’t think either one of us needs to guess just which one it’s gonna be!

I'm going to the Beach - the South Beach that is!

It’s really hard for me to blog when I don’t feel good – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I just had another round of “bad” blood tests, so I’m going to just crack down and start working on getting myself better! The Lord already told us how in the word of wisdom. I just need to have the wisdom, courage, and FAITH to believe!

Julia and I were sick last week – really sick! In one week I had eaten a grand total of 6 bananas, 7 32-oz. Gatorades, 7 32-oz. water battles, and four pieces of salmon - - and I gained SIX pounds!

The low-carb diets really work for me – but I can’t have the fat and need the good carbs. When we did the Adkins I lost an average of 5 pounds a week, with a total loss of 50 pounds, but my liver took a nose dive! In the last two years I’ve gained the entire 50 back again - - So - – South Beach Diet, here we come! It's structured and forces me to eat regularly, plus also it’s a life-style and not just another diet!

I’m seriously toying with the concept of actually putting my daily weigh-ins on my blog, but I’m just not that brave yet. Eventually I will, but not just yet. I’m about ONE HUNDRED POUNDS overweight right now and am extremely embarrassed about that fact! I remember the first time I hit the 200 pound mark – I was absolutely devastated! All fat jokes start out with, “Did you hear the one about the 200-pound man who…” Yeah, well I was a 200-pound woman! Oh, what I wouldn’t give to be 200 pounds right now!

For lunch today I was supposed to have "California Roll-Ups" which is basically a lettuce roll-up with a piece of ham AND a piece of turkey. (Did you know they sell a roll-up "kit" at Sam's that is nothing but pieces of meat, some rice, and about 4 lettuce leaves - it's about the size of a lunchable and costs $8!!!) Anyway, you can put a little low-fat, low-sugar dressing on the lettuce before you roll it. You are supposed to eat F-O-U-R roll-ups. YIKES. I barely got two down and half way through the third the first two felt like they were gonna come back up! I didn't even make the fourth!

Basically, I'll have to eat six times a day on this diet - so that will be my biggest challenge. That, and the dairy limitations! I am probably THE worst meal skipper EVER! I was SO proud of myself this morning! I had a scrambled egg w/onions, peppers, and ham AND a V-8 juice for breakfast – well, half a V-8 juice can. I’d forgotten I’d already opened the can BEFORE I started to shake it up! It took me TWO hours to eat it all and I thought I'd burst a lung - - then I skipped the am snack. BAD, BAD girl!!! NO SKIPPING!!! I'm full, but I'm not bloating up like a dead COW - like I have been after I eat.

All I'm thinking about is Food, Food, Food - only for me it's what I SHOULD be eating, instead of the usual dieters dilemma of "what can I eat - I'm so hungry!" I am Sooooooo Stuffed!!! I also didn't do the exercises yet, either. I'm going through some med changes and I feel like a zombie in the morning, but I felt GREAT last night! Go figure! If I feel good tonight, I'm gonna go for a 20 min. walk with Julia.

Instead of the peanut butter dessert thingy on the plan, I just used my 2 tbsp. of natural peanut butter on celery sticks during the day whenever I felt snacky. I never realized how many sticks you could eat with a total of only 2 tbsp. of peanut butter! I had eaten an entire thing of celery by the end of the day! BTW - What do you call an "entire thing of celery" anyway!?!?!? Individual pieces are stalks, but what's the whole thing called?

I'm gonna go and get some canned beans and make up some of the soups and chili's in the recipe section. They are mostly veggies and tomatoes and James and I both love those. You can use extra-lean ground beef, so I might get some of that and put it in the chili. I'll make up my own beans for next week when I feel a little better. I need to learn how to can my own beans with my pressure/canner!

It's hard to find low-fat AND low-sugar dressings. None of the ones I have in my frig qualified. Mine were one or the other, but not both - so I'll have to go look for some. The book has two pages of recipes just for dressings, so I'll try some of those, but for right now I'll probably go to Sprouts first and see what they have.

Jamee's going to do this with us, but she's been at Annette's for the past three days. Annette's husband has been out of town. Poor Jamee!!! I don't have my cell phone anymore and she got stuck with a broken down car yesterday in Katie’s neighborhood. We both got home about the same time and her face was beat red! I told her she was a SILLY girl, because she could have called HALF of my ward and they would have come to give her a ride home. She said she wasn't that far and would have walked, but she didn't want to leave her car. It was just SO HOT yesterday!

So – here’s to a VERY supportive husband and daughter who are willing to make this journey with me; here’s to healthy weight loss; here’s to good health in general; and here’s to having the FAITH it takes to follow the Lord’s plan and the ability to move mountains!

(Hey! I’m not that big, yet – Close, but not yet!)

Monday Morning Malady

Three of my children suffer from what Dr. Mom has come to call the “Monday Morning Malady.”
Lest you think them hypochondriacs, they actually can run a fever of 102 at 6 a.m. and feel really awful, but by 10 they are completely recovered and ready to roll – as only a Ferguson child can be.

The pediatrician had some fancy name for this phenomenon (shouldn’t I put Ferguson Family in front of that word?). Anyway, I can't remember the name right now, but it has something to do with our family’s predilection for a VERY slow heart rate, easily irritated bronchial tubes, and some really seriously bad reaction to “seasonal allergies.”

I am really not kidding about this. Three of them were even on the “chronic ill list” while in elementary school. They even had albuterol inhalers – which for some reason causes our medical insurance company to routinely send me “Your child’s asthma” brochures – only they don’t actually have asthma.

While they are sleeping the blood going into their lungs is diminished because of the slow heart rate. Their bronchial tubes start to swell because of the allergies, thereby trapping bacteria in the lower part of their lungs, which isn’t being cleaned out at effectively as it should be by clean fresh blood. Their bodies respond to this build-up by running fevers and generally feeling pretty tired and run down.

Okay, so they feel tired and achy and generally awful – but hey! – they need their education so according to the school district I’m supposed to throw them out the door and expect them to become braniacs and sponge up all that important information they cover in the first hour of elementary school – like saying the pledge and the taking of attendance.

So being the brainlessly dutiful parent I used to be I’d send them to school - and by the time we’d have walked home, we’d have to turn around and go back to get them because the nurse was calling and they had a fever. Children can’t be in school with a fever – or undiagnosed rashes (but that’s another whole epilog) which is what I’d said – only apparently it makes a HUGE difference when the school nurse says it.

I would love to have a penny for every time I’ve told my kids, “I know you don’t feel good. Go to school and go straight to the nurse’s office. If she calls me then it’s okay, but if I keep you home then we’ll all be in trouble.”

It happened on other days of the week besides Monday, but for some reason Monday was always a given.

So anyways, through all these weird little anomalies our family is prone to, I’ve discovered MANY things – two in particular that I wish to discuss this morning – 6:12 this morning to be precise!

First thing – which I think is genetic – is that several of us have seriously SLOW heart rates. I've probably talked about this before, but during Jared’s recent surgical stay he kept setting the heart rate alarm off – like every minute! He’d just start to nod off and that thing would start having a spasm, then the nurse would have to come check on him and reset the alarm. She finally showed ME which button to push IF I were going to reset the alarm – which a person should never do.

Anyway, after about 30 minutes of this we were ALL getting a tad irritated – especially Jared who was supposed to be getting some rest! The nurse had turned the alarm down as far as it’d go, all to no avail. They even called someone in to check on him with a prognosis of “the anesthesia hasn’t completely worn off yet.” Sure, whatever.

Second thing - I am a VERY light sleeper. Seriously light sleeper. If somebody were to enter my room (either at home or in the hospital) I can “sense” there is someone in my room and it wakes me up - with one exception - I don’t think I actually “fall asleep” until the hours of 3 to 5 a.m. – then I’m dead to the world. Now for the weird part (this is me, so there will always BE a weird part). If I can actually take an afternoon nap (like say 3 to 5 p.m.) it’s the same thing – I am SOOO deeply asleep that I often dream I am crawling out of a deep well, trying to wake up.

My boys have had a ball testing out this particular “ability-to-sense” oddity. So far they’ve made it as far as three steps into the room before I know they are there and wake up. That’s about the time that I loudly demand, “WHAT?” thereby causing them to jump out of their skin! Paybacks can be priceless.

So this morning at about 5:45 I’m in the pretty-deeply-asleep stage when that internal “someone’s-in-the-room” alarm starts to go off and I’m dragging myself up out of the well of sleep that I was snugly in and crack open my eyes -- only to see a dark, hooded figure standing over my bed reaching it’s arm out to touch me!

Holy Bejeebies!

Children should be taught from a VERY early age that this is NOT the way to awaken a parent with a previously diagnosed irregular, slow heartbeat!!!

It was Jared – he didn’t feel good – It’s Monday, right?

And that is why I’m up at this ungodly hour – typing my memoirs.

Happy Monday everybody!!!

January 3rd 2005 - ONLY four years ago?!!

Well, how many people can you say you know who’ve had their battery fall into their engine – WHILE THEY WERE DRIVING?!?

Just remember my old saying, “If it’s bizarre, weird, unusual or freakish – count me in!”

Jamee and I were returning from the Melchin’s this morning around 10 a.m. after Brigette cut Jamee’s hair. Re-cut Jamee’s hair would be a more accurate statement, but we won’t go into the things girls do when they have friends sleep over right now. That’s another story.

We made it through the Broadway/Higley intersection with only two major stallings, when suddenly EVERYTHING just went off. Kaplooey. Not even the “service engine soon” light (which has been on for over a month now) was on. No power brakes. No power steering. Joy!

We coasted into a neighborhood and only rolled about half way down the sloping street before I was able to come to a complete stop, just BARELY so that I didn’t cut off that person’s driveway, but only by less than a foot. Then I looked at the house behind us.

You know – there should be some sort of law that the people who design driveways should actually have to MEASURE a nice big car - say a Suburban - BEFORE they are given permission to pour the cement. We were (by fractions of a foot) just barely in between two driveways. How far away from a fire hydrant do you have to be again?

Who’d have ever guessed how cranky SOME homeowner’s can get when an innocent victim of a falling car battery attempts to explain WHY their car will be parked in front of their home – possibly until after dark. Especially when said homeowner's toddler answered the door and the homeowner's MAMMOTH horse/dog (what happened to dog weight limits in HOA's?) is attempting to “greet” the door knocker in a VERY unfriendly manner, all the while the homeowner, who is still in their skivvies, is trying in vain to hide that fact from the door knocker?

He muttered, “Fine, whatever!” before I even had the chance to tell him I’ve been in his very shoes – I’d guess at least a couple hundred times – in the last few years alone. Somehow, he didn’t seem to be in a chatty mood, so I just left it at that and returned to my vehicle.

Of course the REAL reason I actually approached the home was to ascertain the possibilities of said homeowner also (hopefully) being the owner of a fire extinguisher - - all the while attempting to contemplate if a) our vehicle insurance would cover anything leftover after a car fire (it doesn't); and b) just how fast this horse/dog would be able to run if he made it out the door before his owner arrived; but by the time the justifiably irritated owner’s head and shoulders (sans clothing) had appeared around the door - - my Suburban had (thankfully) stopped smoking.

Now, I have nothing against the fairer sex who may enjoy exploring the intricacies of an internal combustion engine, but I also ask that they be a little understanding to those of us who have NEVER wanted too. Up until now I’ve subscribed to the notion that looks alone could get flat tires changed, but now I’m hoping a pitiful, chubby, grandmotherly appearance will also do the trick.

So after the smoking had subsided, and the horse/dog had been corralled, Jamee and I called up our courage and actually popped the hood. Well, kinda/sorta. Apparently car hoods were NOT meant to be opened very easily and sticking my face down into an area that has recently been engulfed in noxious white smoke so that I can find that thing that my husband always pulls back, while I’m yelling to my daughter to “pull that hooky thingy again,” has never been my idea of a good plan – contrary to what my teenage sons may believe.

Actually I had NO idea WHAT, or even WHY, I was bothering. I mean it isn’t as if it would make any difference whatsoever, but from the smell of burning plastic I figured I might just as well take a look at what was melted. Again, I have NO idea WHY – maybe one of those deer-in-the-headlight syndrome things?

Upon opening the hood the first thing I saw was the intake something-or-other that is supposed to be attached to the place where Jake puts the new air filters, was no longer attached. In fact it appeared to be standing at attention. My comment of, “I don’t think that’s supposed to be there” apparently has no effect on recalcitrant intake something-or-other’s. I couldn’t actually SEE anything that looked melted, other than another hose that had a ding in it the size of an orange, but everything else seemed to look as dirty and yucky as it always does.

Then Jamee asked, “Is the battery supposed to be hanging down in the engine like that?”

HEY! Even I know (after about a thousand battery-jumping instances) that batteries belong on the side of the engine and NOT in it.

By now the rain was really coming down (what, you think something like this would happen to me on a nice sunny day – maybe within walking distance of my house?), so Jamee and I jumped back inside and had a good laugh about being Native Arizonan’s (her, not me) who think they will melt in the rain, and used her cell phone to make a few calls.

I swear I’m NOT making this next part up. The first person I called was my husband, but he couldn’t talk to me right then because he was chasing the dog down the street after two of the children he was watching had gone into the front yard to have an acorn boat race in the gutter water (did I mention Julia stayed home from school this morning?) and had let the dog escape. He was a tad perturbed due to the fact that he hadn’t yet had the chance to get fully dressed this morning.

I was even MORE perturbed – not about the children, the boats, the fact that we do NOT, EVER, play in the front yard, or our own dog, but we were baby-sitting the Budge’s Chihuahua’s and I have personal experience of just how fast, and how far, Benny Budge can and will run if (and when) the front door is left open. Try telling a dog owner, that while you may have done an exceptional job of caring for her baby’s for the previous 9 days, one of her baby’s has disappeared just a few scant hours before she was scheduled to pick them up! Forget about car fires - now THAT, is my idea of S-T-R-E-S-S!

So the long and the short of it is that James successfully got the dogs - and the kids – safely back into the house (all by himself), I missed my habilitation appointment with Brittany this morning while Brittany’s mom came and bailed Jamee and I out (of the pouring down rain) and drove us home. Then James, Jake and Jake’s friend, Jason, drove back and fixed all the things that had come into contact with the battery when it had fallen. And WHY was Jake’s friend Jason needed to drive them back? Because out of the four cars we have parked at our house, the Suburban was the ONLY one that was running!

And somebody better tell Jamee that I do NOT want (or need) to hear ANY more red-neck comments, thank you very much.

And just for the record the starter that melted when the battery acid spilled all over it will be the third starter put into that Suburban in less than one week.